10 Ways to Annoy Your Server

[This list is not exhaustive]

1. As your server is walking to the table, stare at your menu and say obnoxiously 'DIET COKE WITH LEMON' before he has a chance to say 'Welcome to this fine establishment, my name is            , what can I get for you to drink?'

2. Bring in a group of six people ten minutes before the restaurant closes.

3. Leave your number and a 'Call me' on your credit card slip and leave a shitty tip. (Important note: You will NOT get a phone call, if that really was your goal)

4. Ask if a side of sour cream costs extra. When you find out it costs 50 cents, definitely make a condescending face and say 'Nevermind...' (We know, saving it for the gumball machine at work)

5. After you see another table get a free birthday dessert with the whole staff singing a ridiculous song, tell your server it's your birthday too.

6. When your server comes by the table to ask if you need anything, say no. Then ask the next person who walks by for a refill.

7. Send your steak back because it's not well done. Then send it back because it's burnt.

8. When your server asks if she can get you anything to drink, scrunch up your nose, say 'Nah, I'll just have a water.'

9. Bring your child and all of his friend's for his 7th birthday party. Let them scream, run around the other tables, throw french fries at each other, ask for a million refills, etc. When you leave, kindly thank the server for her patience, and leave a 10% tip.

10. Tell your server that everything was fine, then go home, get online, and write a complaint to corporate about the poor service, the host who looked like he was on crack, the flamboyant manager, the food that was basically-frozen-when-it-came-out-it-was-so-cold, and the draft in the corner. Oh yeah, and the bad lighting.