Indecision

Pretend today is July 7: Today I handed in my two weeks notice at my full time job. I also got punched in the face by one of my residents.

Now let's take it back to two months ago. You may not know this, but I was freaking out (a lot). Getting some cold feet. Considering not going. I had many questions, few answers, and had no idea what to do. I had a little breakdown and told God all about it. When I boiled it all down, all I could really say was, 'I'm scared.'

Two months ago I loved everything about my life. My friends, my family, my job, the church I was getting involved with. I didn't want to leave any of it behind. My stomach would hurt when I thought about leaving and I couldn't understand why. Did God maybe not want me to go? During the year I would be away would I be missing out on something greater here? (Most people think that is a silly question, but I think it's valid.) I wondered what I would do if I got there and hated everything about it. I feared that I would go to Nicaragua and die at some point during the year, and maybe that was why I had a bad feeling about it.

I decided to do some praying and some digging and some thinking. I can't really explain how, but over the past two months I made the decision to still go and I somehow feel comfortable with it. I know that it is going to be very difficult. I haven't been so happy in such a long time that to think of leaving everything behind for a year is still a little overwhelming. Unfortunately, I don't think that God calls us into our comfort zones.

Now let's bring it back to today. The main things that have changed are 1- my indecision and 2- my feelings toward my full time job. I thought it was appropriate that I would get punched the day I handed in my resignation; good bye and good riddance.

P.S.
Money raised is now $3,000!